Everyone says they envy me, they too want my energy, my drive, passion and determination. They too want to live a nomadic life.
So I stand infront of the mirror, yet I can´t find any of those characteristics. All I see, staring back at me is alost soul in search for who she is, but that is well hidden under a fasade of strength, courage and determination. I can´t show the truth to anyone - but one, the woman in the mirror. She knows, she feels and she cries.
I´m only 23 years old, and yet I sometimes feel I´ve lived a lifetime... or two. I´ve known sorrow, losses, heartbreaks, failures, mistakes and regrets, but I have also had happiness, freedom, laughter, love and trust. All of that one is supposed to experience in this game called life.
Sometimes I miss the times when it was okay to just be me, when I would have the peace to just sit and read a book, take a walk or write, today those things I loved the most, are becoming a rarity in my life. And it feels like all I can do is sit by and watch.
I see all of my friends plan for their lives, and it hurts me because I know I probably won´t be a big part of it because of my lifestyle. Sometimes I envy their stability, their longing for a house to settle in, for pets and even kids. I envy their love for a normal life, yet I know that if given the opportunity to a life like that, I would suffocate, and drown.
I know of the saying "wake up tomorrow and be who you want to be, no matter who you were today", and by any higher powers I need that to be true. I need to know I´m making my life, not that my life is making me into someone I might not want to be.
I wonder how many sunsets in different corners of the world I´ll see and will I ever grow tired of that majestic by Mother Nature created phenomena?
How many oceans´water will cover my body and how many winds in other continents will blow through my curly hair?
How many lips will I kiss before I find the lips I want to kiss forever and how many full moons will I see, before I know who I want to be?
How many places will I come to call home and how many animals will leave their print in my heart?
Will I do good in this world, will I bring happiness to people and animals? Will I make a difference, maybe leave my mark?
None of these questions can be answered today, tomorrow or even in a few years, yet this is what is going through my mind while packing up my life...once again.
I´m leaving another place I´ve started to call home, but this time it´s different, I´m not only leaving a place, I´m leaving people I love, a life as a student and 95% of my belongings behind. All this to take a chance at a life I want, but don´t know very much about...and THAT scares the living crap out of me!
I have the most patient mother, she helps me with everything I need, puts up with all my crazy ideas (except when it comes to my dream about swimming with the great white Sharks in Durban!) and she never stops supporting me. Without her I don´t know where I would have been!
And I also have the best of friends, that comes with ideas,help me figure stuff out and supports me when I doubt myself, without these people in my life I would be nothing of the woman I am today!
So much love <3!!
I have a profession I truly love, and wildlife is the most fun thing to work with! I´m just trying to figure out how to best combine the passions of my life - the animal medicine part and the traveling part!
Some days you just want to sit in a forest and enjoy nature, no matter what part of the world you´re in!
No matter where in life I am, or which country or even which continent - this oceanview by the beach in my hometown will always be my favourite, it will always be home!
Love / F